Where do I go?

Honestly, I don’t know where to go.  Don’t know what to do, don’t know what I really WANT to do.  I have an idea of what I’d love to do with my life, but I have to be realistic and admit, there’s not much money in what I want to do, and I need to support myself.  Right now, it’s all just a dream.  A dream I hope so fulfill someday.  For now, I find myself still on that treadmill.  Running in the same place, and getting nowhere really.

I’ve stopped actively looking for another job. It’s been over three years of searching and still nothing.  So yes, at this point I’m just quitting.  There’s just so much rejection one can take until you just admit to yourself you aren’t going to find anything.  And as I finally decide to just stop looking, it is now that my company will likely lose it’s largest client, thus now would be the perfect time for me to actually look for a job.

Depression is something I am dealing with still.  I do have good days, but the bad days still creep up on me.  I have to force myself to write. I HAVE to.  I used to be able to write every day. I wrote and loved it, and I do believe I was quite good at it.  Now, the though of sitting down and writing something makes me cringe.  I know a lot of that has to do with just not  being happy with my work life.  I can’t help but let it affect me in my writing.

I had a dream last night.  I started my volunteer job.  I went to the hospital, but couldn’t find my way to the department I was to work in.  I literally walked that entire hospital, until it turned into night, and couldn’t not find the department.  I finally found it at the end of the day, and cried and told the woman I had gotten lost.  She smiled and laughed a little and said something but I didn’t understand what she said.  I guessed she just told me to come back in the morning.

Very symbolic, that in my dream I still wander.

Bookshelf 3 of 6

Another section of the bookshelf.  This is the middle section of the bookshelf on the left of the television.   Lots of books here and some DVD’s.  The small little pinkish box on the bottom left is a cardboard jewelry box.  I haven’t looked in there in a while.  It’s always nice to go through an old box full of interesting little things.  You managed to find things you often forgot you had and loved.

 

Bookshelf 3 of 6

Bookshelf project, 2 of 6.

Bookshelf 2 of 6

This is another section of my bookshelf.  It’s amazing to me that I never really noticed before just how much of “me” is in these little sections of my bookshelf.

From left to right, here we go:

The wood object you see there is an incense holder.  I found that, if I remember correctly, at a flea market over 15 years ago!  Wow, that’s a long time now that I think back. I hadn’t realized I’ve had it that long.  I particularly love this because when you open the top, you have the actual holder for the incense to stand and burn down.  The ashes fall down into this sort of basin.  You can see that there is a line going across.  That’s actually a small compartment, where the incense is kept.

The two statuettes:   The first, St. Therese, referred to as “The Little Flower”.  I bought her several years ago, when I was still living with my aunt.  I thought she was pretty, and now and then I go to the church named for here near where I work.  The second statuettte, is my Our Lady of Charity, the patron saint of Cuba, La Cardidad de el Cobre.  The national shrine for her is here in Miami.  My mother was a devotee to her, and to the day she died her faith never wavered.

At the front, a small round container with little plastic bands, for Sofie’s hair.  Next to it a ceramic box, a wonderful old woman gave me back in the late 90’s when I was living in some apartment building after I’d moved from my aunts home.  Inside there are some incense cones, and a hand from a statue of a goddess in Japanese Geisha clothing.  Her name eludes me, but the superstition goes, if you take her hand and wish for something, she will grant you your wish, in return for her hand.  And as you see, she’s never gotten her hand back, so my wish has never been granted.  Perhaps it’s time to ask for something else.

Behind the statuettes, is a box I bought at Pier One may many years ago.  It’s I believe Indian, and I keep old jewelry I never really wear anymore in there.  Next to that are very old photos I was given a little over 20 years ago.  They are photos from Cuba.  Many of family, that I admittedly don’t even know by name.  The photos are propped up against an old mirror I never got around to hanging.

Sometimes a picture can say a lot. Bookshelf project 1 of 6.

A picture can often say a lot about not just the subject, but the person behind the camera. Especially if it’s a photograph that reflects that person. I have a two bookshelves, that once were part of an entertainment center. Several moves over the years broke off the already flimsy middle section of the entertainment center, and since I can always use more storage space, I have kept the two bookshelf/sides.

Currently they hold a plethora of “stuff” I have collected through the years. As I sat watching some television yesterday afternoon, I looked at all of my stuff and realized that my bookshelves reflect me in a very visual way. I decided it would be interesting to take a picture of each section and show you all.

This is 1 of 6:

Bookshelf 1 of 6

So as you can see, my reading material is eclectic, as you will see with the next photo posts I make.

Vampires: Yes, they have always fascinated me.  Although I hate to admit this, but lately, I’m over it.  Maybe it’s just the total saturation of vampires both in movies, books and television.  I also don’t really go for the way they are portrayed these days.  Some sparkly, some sex obsessed, and some just dumb.

The Strange: I’m always up for reading about oddities!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Loved the show!  I really was very disappointed when it was cancelled.  I thought there was still one more good season there.

Pink ribbon bear:  I bought this many years ago, through Avon.  It was during a Breast Cancer awarreness campaign, and it caught my eye.  Proceeds of the purchase of the bear went to research.  My mother died of this horrible disease, and whenever I can monetarily, I try to support.

Nefertiti:  Another fascination for me. Not just her, but all things ancient, be they Egyptian, Roman or Greek. But, mainly it’s the ancient Egyptians that have always for some reason attracted me.

CD’s:  Not that they attract me but I have a lot of files saved on these.  I recently purchased a new laptop and have been in the process of downloading some saved files.  I’ve also lost many things over the years and have been searching through these files to see if perhaps I have them saved here.

Incense:  No explanation here.  I simply love the smell of incense burning. I am however particular with the scents I burn. I like the earthy scents.

The dark fidurine:  That is a figurine of Professor Severus Snape that a very good friend of mine sent me.  I love it!

That tiny bottle:  My boss got that a couple of years ago.  I have no idea where he acquired that odd little bottle with the leprechaun, but he was going to throw it away and I thought it was cute, so I kept it.

A few new things to try from Trader Joes’

On Friday October 18th, a new  Trader Joe’s near my home.  I was so excited that I rushed after work to not only get my free reusable bag, but to look around at all the goodies I’m always hearing about!  When I got there it was insanity!!!  I guess I wasn’t the only one who’d been waiting for Trader Joe’s.  

I couldn’t take the crowd, but I did manage to get a couple of things that I wanted to try.  First being this:

Trader Joe's Spicy Chai Latte Mix

Now, I LOVE Chai tea, so this just sang to me.  I tried it that very night.  What impressed me most was, many times you buy these mixes and they say to use water or milk.  If you use water it usually tastes horrible, but this didn’t!  It tasted amazing just with water alone.  I can only imagine what it tastes like with soy milk!

This deserves:

4 tuna cans – This stuff rocks!

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The next thing I tried is Trader Joe’s Roasted Seaweed Snack.

Trader Joe's Roasted Seaweed Snack

Crunchy, a little salty, a little fishy and you can eat the entire package and only take in 60 calories!  I’m thinking about making a mock tuna salad spread with this.  Some experimenting is definitely in order.

I give this:

3 tuna cans – You have my attention.
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So far, Trader Joe’s hasn’t disappointed me.  Sadly, it’s still incredibly crowded to go into. I’ll have to wait a few weeks until the novelty has died down a bit, so that I can go in and fully and calmly investigate things.

 

Too many reminders of how short life is.

I was sitting at my computer this morning, going through my Facebook News Feed as I do every morning before I set to work.  I came across a page I follow.  I follow a lot of pet pages.  Many of these pets are former abused, neglected and/or have medical issues.  The people have these pages for their pets to celebrate these pets, and bring awareness to the cause of special needs pets.  One pet was Rosie, from Everything Rosie.  Rosie died last night, she succumbed to pneumonia.  Rosie was a puppy-mill survivor.  Her mom gave her an amazing life and her last years were nothing but happy, I’m sure of it.  This little dog was loved beyond belief.

Last month it was Wallace the Pit bull, then this week it was Rufus the Cancer pit bull.  Then I read on another page another pet is sick and not doing well, and a friend’s cat died suddenly this week also.

I’m just very sad now.  All I want is to be home with my furries.  I pray they all know how much I love them.

You don’t get to dictate!

Aha, I bet that caught your attention, eh?  I’ve been wanting to say something about what I’ve observed lately on some Facebook pages.  I belong to some pages which are created by the pet-parents of some special needs dogs.  One woman in particular has an Etsy shop, in which she creates and sells jewelry.  I’ve seen her jewelry and she is a very talented woman.  She sells her items at a great price, and sometimes she just does auctions.  Now, this woman isn’t hiding the fact she sells her things in order to raise funds to take care of her little dog, who again, is special needs.

Not long ago, some people were giving her grief.  By that I mean, actively telling her she’s robbing people of their money and how dare she use that money for her pet.

Okay, excuse me? I find that in incredibly bad taste.  When you buy something, it’s none of your business what the person you bought the item or service from uses that money for.  You received your product or service, it’s an even exchange.  That’s it, end of story.

Do you tell Pfizer what to do with the money they get from Viagra?  No!  You got your boner, so go on your way.

Do you tell Krispy Kreme how to spend the money from all those glazed donuts you buy?  No!  You got your sugar rush now go on your way.

The fact that this woman sells her jewelry to pay for her dogs care is none of anyone’s business!  Yes, if she just came out and asked for money and didn’t give anything in return, I could see that you might say, “Okay you are asking me for charity, you better be using this money for what you say it’s for.”  But no, she’s selling something, and you are getting something really beautiful.

This bothers me to high heaven, that people continually think they get to dictate what others do.

You don’t!  Live your life and leave everyone else to live theirs.