Never say never again.

Last year I dove into the world of animal rescue.  Head first to be exact!  After coming home and finding a flyer posted next to the elevators at my condo complex, stating all stray cats would be trapped and taken to the shelter.  The shelter here in Miami is a high kill shelter.  They recently stopped taking in cats, and any strays brought to them are killed. See what I did there? I didn’t say euthanize.  That’s because if you take the word by its meaning, they you will see that you really cannot euthanize a perfectly healthy animal. No, our shelter kills, and it kills a lot.  Sure, their numbers have gone down, but only because they now ship dogs and cats to other shelters and sometimes work with rescues.

Anyway, when I saw this I knew I couldn’t just leave those cats to that fate.  I’ve been covertly feeding them for a couple of years and really knew nothing about where to take them for help.  I took to Facebook, and began my journey.  I hooked up with some good and caring people.  These people had been in rescue for years and knew the ins and outs.  I was able to make some connections and found out there was a program in my area that would help me in getting these cats spayed and neutered.

I was able to find a home for one cat that was feline leukemia positive, as well as four others.  At one point I had ten cats in my apartment.  Yes, ten!  I have six of my own, so the additional four was quite frankly a nightmare.  Of the four, two were about five to six months old, one was shy but the other was quite feral.  At one point I was keeping them in my spare bathroom and the feral one got out.  She gave me a hell of a scratch before she got into the carrier.  The other two were about four months old.

With some help, a home was found for the two older kittens, and I kept the smaller two until a home could be found for them.  This was eight months in the making.  I have had these two girls with me and while I will tell you it has been incredibly stressful at times, I absolutely adored these girls. My journey with them ended last night.  Today they are on their way to a new life.  I can’t even express the sadness I felt knowing that I had to let them go.  It was as though part of my soul was being torn from me, and I think it was.  They took a little piece of me with them, and in turn they left a big piece of themselves with me. Their impact on me will last until I take my final breaths on this earth.  I never wanted to foster, because I knew how hard it would be to let them go.  But they taught me that as hard as it is, when your part is done, you let them go.  You let them go because it was your job to prepare them, to show them how to trust and what it means to be loved.

As sat there in my car with my foster girls, Isis and Astra, and who I eventually came to call Smudge and Mochie, I said to myself, “I can never do this again.  I can’t allow myself to feel like this again.” I could very easily have been a foster failure, but my space dictates that I cannot bring any more cats into my home permanently.  Permanently being the key word here.  You see, as I was saying good-bye to my friend who is taking the girls on to their next stop in their new life, she asked me if I could foster a little kitten.  A tiny baby not even six weeks old yet, until the end of April or mid-May.  I smiled and didn’t even hesitate.   I hope to welcome my new charge this week.

 

Smudge and Mochie

Smudge and Mochie

Smudge Mochie

Advertisements

NEW Morningstar pizza – Baja Black Bean Review

I am always wary of microwave pizza.  That “crisper” rarely works well, at least for me, and many times I wind up turning it from a potentially tasty treat, to something I can make a shoe out of. But, I decided to give this a try.

1

I wasn’t sure about black beans and corn on a pizza, but it was either this one or the one with the garbanzo beans (Mediterranean Chickpea).  I love garbanzo beans, but on a pizza seemed more odd than the black bean combo.

So, here goes.  On the tray, for 3:45 minutes in the office microwave.

2

Looks like this when it’s out.

3

And now for the best part.  Tasting it!

4

It’s actually quite delicious!  A little spicy, so it’s got a bit of a kick to it. And guess what? It’s crispy!!!  I really really loved this.  Now I want to try the other one.   The price comparable to other single serving pizza’s on the market.

Here is some of the nutrition information.

5

 

I highly recommend this.  It’s vegetarian, tastes good and the price won’t kill you so you can buy a couple and have them for lunch at work, or dinner at home.

I’ll give this a resounding 4 tuna cans!

small tuna cansmall tuna cansmall tuna cansmall tuna can

 

Where do I go?

Honestly, I don’t know where to go.  Don’t know what to do, don’t know what I really WANT to do.  I have an idea of what I’d love to do with my life, but I have to be realistic and admit, there’s not much money in what I want to do, and I need to support myself.  Right now, it’s all just a dream.  A dream I hope so fulfill someday.  For now, I find myself still on that treadmill.  Running in the same place, and getting nowhere really.

I’ve stopped actively looking for another job. It’s been over three years of searching and still nothing.  So yes, at this point I’m just quitting.  There’s just so much rejection one can take until you just admit to yourself you aren’t going to find anything.  And as I finally decide to just stop looking, it is now that my company will likely lose it’s largest client, thus now would be the perfect time for me to actually look for a job.

Depression is something I am dealing with still.  I do have good days, but the bad days still creep up on me.  I have to force myself to write. I HAVE to.  I used to be able to write every day. I wrote and loved it, and I do believe I was quite good at it.  Now, the though of sitting down and writing something makes me cringe.  I know a lot of that has to do with just not  being happy with my work life.  I can’t help but let it affect me in my writing.

I had a dream last night.  I started my volunteer job.  I went to the hospital, but couldn’t find my way to the department I was to work in.  I literally walked that entire hospital, until it turned into night, and couldn’t not find the department.  I finally found it at the end of the day, and cried and told the woman I had gotten lost.  She smiled and laughed a little and said something but I didn’t understand what she said.  I guessed she just told me to come back in the morning.

Very symbolic, that in my dream I still wander.